To be Me

People have been asking me for several years now, “What do you want to be?” This seems to be a general question for adults to ask teenagers, as I have been asked this question tens if not a hundred times. If I know what I want to do with my life at that juncture, I respond,” Oh! I want to be a ...” and fill in the blank. Usually that aspiration disappears once I find a more lucrative or exciting thing to be. But this essay or narrative or story isn’t directly about me. It is to an extent. Mostly, it’s about something I have learned. It is about being you. Not me being you. It is about you being you and me being me. This might seem a little confusing so far, but stick with me.

            First, we must have a brief history lesson. America was founded by people who desired to have a better life. They wanted to be something else. The Pilgrims which came and settled this place disliked persecution and they wanted to be free to worship. Later, as the country grew and people settled out in the Wild West where Louis L’amour roamed free. They settled in the West because it offered more options than their old life did. They may have been vagabonds or clerks with no real options in life. In the 1848, people started hearing about gold in California. This started the famed California Gold rush. Why did people rush to California? Because they thought they could have a better life. They wanted to be rich. They wanted to be happy.

            Right now is probably where I would stop reading if I was you. I’d be hopelessly confused, a little smarter, but still mostly confused. Hang in there. You’re about to get just a little more bewildered and then I’ll tie it all together.

            When I was about twelve, I wanted to be a quarterback. I was certain that I would be the next Tom Brady. I would have a Superbowl ring for each of my fingers and toes, the number eleven on my jersey and I would throw beautiful rainbow passes to my receivers. Unfortunately, this dream was squashed when I found out that our Pastor did not allow us to participate in sports. I was crushed. I weeped in my room for at least half an hour and then I dried my tears and picked up a basketball.

            
            My dream was not unlike millions of other children. The notoriety of a movie star or an athlete is desired by many but achieved by a few. But unfortunately that life style rarely lives up to the standards expected by those few. The Pilgrims, the people of the Wild West and those which partook of the California Gold Rush, had many “rock star” expectations. They presumed that life would be easier. And in some aspects it was. For example, the Pilgrims were free to live life like they desired. But they also had to learn to deal with Indians, to learn to farm and deal with diseases. Over half of them died in their first year in America.

            
            So what am I saying? Not to dream? Of course not. As a matter of fact, if you were to take a look at my life plan, you would call me insane. I am the very definition of a dreamer. But, it is dangerous to place your life into that dream. One example I could give is the “American Dream”. The American Dream gives us the illusion that life is better when we get better grades, get a better job, and get a better house and so on. And while all those things certainly sound appealing, it isn’t true. You’ll always want a bigger house, a better grade, a higher paying job. You’ll never be satisfied. But why won’t I be satisfied? Easily enough asked, not easily enough answered. But allow me to attempt to explain.

            
            When someone places their entire life into something, it is with that thing they find their identity. The American Dream is something which encourages us to work and have goals in life. This is a good thing. However, when we pour our entire life into work and attempt to find happiness in these things we will indubitably fail. And here is the fatal flaw of the American dream. Because it encourages us to work harder and have goals in life, it means we will always attempt to work harder and always try to have higher goals. And once we reach certain goals, we cannot be happy with those goals, because the bar is then raised again. You may get a doctorate in theoretical physics, but if you cannot find out what dark matter is you might consider yourself an academic failure. Or your dream could be to become a culinary chef, but if you cannot please a certain food critic, your accomplishment has turned into a failure.

          
            Is it then impossible to be pleased in life? Is the feeling of accomplishment so fleeting and the troubles which come with it so disdainful, that it would have been better to remain at your initial level? Perhaps, but perhaps not. You see, that is what occurs when we pour our entire identity into achievement. We cannot become satisfied. So what do we do then? We be who we actually are. We no longer seek to become a physicist or a culinary chef or a NFL quarterback. We seek to be who we are. Is that confusing? Let me attempt to clarify. You are not your profession. You are you. You are not your goals. You are you. Can you have goals? Of course. Can you have a job? Obviously. But the job is merely something you do. It is not your identity.

            I discovered this just a couple of days ago. And from that point on I decided, I will no longer that question of what I want to be with a job. I will answer it with a, “Me.” My job is not my identity. Books are not my identity. Writing this blog is not my identity. I am my own identity. I am my own person. I will no longer look to outward things to my identity, for it is clear to me who I am. I am me. And while I may have many quirks and problems and things which irritate other, that doesn’t change who I am. It simply mean that God has a lot to work on. I have chosen to be myself. What will you choose?